say the title outloud and it might make more sense
i hate small talk. one of the main reasons is that i hate the “where are you from” question because the answer takes about 45 minutes and involves a lot of other questions which also annoy me to have to answer.
the second reason is that i hate the “what do you do” question. as some of you know, i’ve been studying Naturopathy and Herbal Medicine for the past… mmmm… 4 or so years. so my “what do you do?” conversations often go like this:
n00b: so what do you do?
me: i’m a recovering web designer
n00b: huh? oh, haha. so what are you doing now?
me: studying Naturopathy
me: Natur-o-pa-thy, you know, like natural medicine
n00b: OH, you mean like homeopathy!?
NO. NOT LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN HOMEOPATHY!!!
the remainder of the conversation goes one of several ways:
me: no. sigh. no, like herbal medicine
n00b: oh! my cousin / uncle / mom used to always give me [herb name here] when i was growing up for [condition name here]…
me: oh, that’s nice. yeah, it’s great for that.
me: no. sigh. never mind. i’m studying herbal medicine.
n00b: oh! i heard [mispronounced herb name here] destroys your liver!
me: those scientific studies are usually falsified by the pharmaceutical industry or based on bad batches where the producer used poor farming or harvesting practices; much to the detriment of the consumer and the herbal medicine industry. and by the way, tylenol / panadol (acetaminophen / paracetamol) kills far more people every year.
at this point, they become very interested in some lint. across the room.
me: no. like herbal medicine. you know, plants and shit.
n00b: oh yeah! so what would you recommend my mother / cousin / uncle use for her asthma / rash / gout / dandruff?
me: well, there are a million things… sigh… lemme email you
i usually never email them. not because i don’t love what i’m doing, but because they really don’t care that much about my answer and their mother / cousin / uncle will never get the message or if they do, they won’t listen to them anyway.
me: no, homeopathy is something different and completely unrelated to what i’m learning. [lengthy description follows]
n00b: oh, that’s fascinating
me: excuse me, i need another drink now to get over having to enlighten your dumb ass for the past half hour.
so yeah, pretty much all of these scenarios make me want to stab someone. it’s very un-naturopath-like and not very PLURy. it makes me sad. and also angry. yes. so very angry.
and that, hopefully, makes you smile.