say the title outloud and it might make more sense š
i hate small talk. one of the main reasons is that i hate the “where are you from” question because the answer takes about 45 minutes and involves a lot of other questions which also annoy me to have to answer.
the second reason is that i hate the “what do you do” question. as some of you know, i’ve been studying Naturopathy and Herbal Medicine for the past… mmmm… 4 or so years. so my “what do you do?” conversations often go like this:
n00b: so what do you do?
me: i’m a recovering web designer
n00b: huh? oh, haha. so what are you doing now?
me: studying Naturopathy
n00b: Naturo-waa-huh??
me: Natur-o-pa-thy, you know, like natural medicine
n00b: OH, you mean like homeopathy!?
—
NO. NOT LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN HOMEOPATHY!!!
—
the remainder of the conversation goes one of several ways:
me: no. sigh. no, like herbal medicine
n00b: oh! my cousin / uncle / mom used to always give me [herb name here] when i was growing up for [condition name here]…
me: oh, that’s nice. yeah, it’s great for that.
OR
me: no. sigh. never mind.Ā i’m studying herbal medicine.
n00b: oh! i heard [mispronouncedĀ herb name here] destroys your liver!
me: those scientific studies are usually falsified by the pharmaceutical industry or based on bad batches where the producer used poor farming or harvesting practices; much to the detriment of the consumer and the herbal medicine industry. and by the way, tylenol / panadol (acetaminophen / paracetamol) kills far more people every year.
…
at this point, they become very interested in some lint. across the room.
OR
me: no. likeĀ herbal medicine. you know, plants and shit.
n00b: oh yeah! so what would you recommend my mother / cousin / uncle use for her asthma / rash / gout / dandruff?
me: well, there are a million things… sigh… lemme email you
…
i usually never email them. not because i don’t love what i’m doing, but because they really don’t care that much about my answer and their mother / cousin / uncle will never get the message or if they do, they won’t listen to them anyway.
OR
me: no, homeopathy is something different and completely unrelated to what i’m learning. [lengthy description follows]
n00b: oh, that’s fascinating
me: excuse me, i need another drink now to get over having to enlighten your dumb ass for the past half hour.
—
so yeah, pretty much all of these scenarios make me want to stab someone. it’s very un-naturopath-like and not very PLURy. it makes me sad. and also angry. yes. so very angry.
and that, hopefully, makes you smile.
yeah. 