Posts tagged ‘Eco-what?’

13 March 2012

Sessy Nes Pah ‘Omeopathy

say the title outloud and it might make more sense šŸ™‚

i hate small talk. one of the main reasons is that i hate the “where are you from” question because the answer takes about 45 minutes and involves a lot of other questions which also annoy me to have to answer.

the second reason is that i hate the “what do you do” question. as some of you know, i’ve been studying Naturopathy and Herbal Medicine for the past… mmmm… 4 or so years. so my “what do you do?” conversations often go like this:

n00b: so what do you do?

me: i’m a recovering web designer

n00b: huh? oh, haha. so what are you doing now?

me: studying Naturopathy

n00b: Naturo-waa-huh??

me: Natur-o-pa-thy, you know, like natural medicine

n00b: OH, you mean like homeopathy!?

NO. NOT LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN HOMEOPATHY!!!

the remainder of the conversation goes one of several ways:

me: no. sigh. no, like herbal medicine

n00b: oh! my cousin / uncle / mom used to always give me [herb name here] when i was growing up for [condition name here]…

me: oh, that’s nice. yeah, it’s great for that.

OR

me: no. sigh. never mind.Ā i’m studying herbal medicine.

n00b: oh! i heard [mispronouncedĀ herb name here] destroys your liver!

me: those scientific studies are usually falsified by the pharmaceutical industry or based on bad batches where the producer used poor farming or harvesting practices; much to the detriment of the consumer and the herbal medicine industry. and by the way, tylenol / panadol (acetaminophen / paracetamol) kills far more people every year.

at this point, they become very interested in some lint. across the room.

OR

me: no. likeĀ herbal medicine. you know, plants and shit.

n00b: oh yeah! so what would you recommend my mother / cousin / uncle use for her asthma / rash / gout / dandruff?

me: well, there are a million things… sigh… lemme email you

i usually never email them. not because i don’t love what i’m doing, but because they really don’t care that much about my answer and their mother / cousin / uncle will never get the message or if they do, they won’t listen to them anyway.

OR

me: no, homeopathy is something different and completely unrelated to what i’m learning. [lengthy description follows]

n00b: oh, that’s fascinating

me: excuse me, i need another drink now to get over having to enlighten your dumb ass for the past half hour.

so yeah, pretty much all of these scenarios make me want to stab someone. it’s very un-naturopath-like and not very PLURy. it makes me sad. and also angry. yes. so very angry.

and that, hopefully, makes you smile.

22 February 2012

Waste Bag Indeed

One cup of tea, one thousand years in a landfill

Dear Airlines,

I am writing to you today on the subject of waste management; or creation as it might be more appropriately named in this case. I would like to understand why, in this age of sustainability, conservation, and other eco-buzzwords, you think it’s a good idea to actually INCREASE the amount of waste that is generated during a flight. Is there some sort of sick joke of a competition going on between all the airlines to see how much of a pile of shit you can create? Does the winner get to have the name of their airline spelled out in GARBAGE so large that it can be easily read from an altitude of 30,000 feet?

The only other reason I can think of for creating such a huge amount of trash would be that you are collectively saving up to use all the… uh… proceeds to build more airports or pave runways in less developed parts of the world. This might be acceptable if you’re trying to build runways in places which are sorely lacking in natural plastic reserves and which you will then use to deliver medical supplies.

The weird utensil in question

But honestly, how can you justify giving me not just one cup with my tea in it, but one additional plastic cup, one plastic pouch with a plastic knife/spoon (kfoon? spife?), a napkin, and a sugar packet inside, two of those small plastic milk thingies, AND a small plastic bag labeled “waste bag” inside another little plastic bag? Are you fucking kidding me?! Do you expect me to spend the rest of my flight MacGyvering a solution to interstellar flight with all these items? Why can’t you just ask if I want milk and sugar and just premix it for me before handing it to me? Is your time really that precious? Is that not worth just a minor portion of the ā‚¬2.50 you are charging me for it?

Please help me understand your ways.

Sincerely,
Concerned Flyer in 13E

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