Posts tagged ‘the unwashed masses’

13 March 2012

Sessy Nes Pah ‘Omeopathy

say the title outloud and it might make more sense šŸ™‚

i hate small talk. one of the main reasons is that i hate the “where are you from” question because the answer takes about 45 minutes and involves a lot of other questions which also annoy me to have to answer.

the second reason is that i hate the “what do you do” question. as some of you know, i’ve been studying Naturopathy and Herbal Medicine for the past… mmmm… 4 or so years. so my “what do you do?” conversations often go like this:

n00b: so what do you do?

me: i’m a recovering web designer

n00b: huh? oh, haha. so what are you doing now?

me: studying Naturopathy

n00b: Naturo-waa-huh??

me: Natur-o-pa-thy, you know, like natural medicine

n00b: OH, you mean like homeopathy!?

NO. NOT LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN HOMEOPATHY!!!

the remainder of the conversation goes one of several ways:

me: no. sigh. no, like herbal medicine

n00b: oh! my cousin / uncle / mom used to always give me [herb name here] when i was growing up for [condition name here]…

me: oh, that’s nice. yeah, it’s great for that.

OR

me: no. sigh. never mind.Ā i’m studying herbal medicine.

n00b: oh! i heard [mispronouncedĀ herb name here] destroys your liver!

me: those scientific studies are usually falsified by the pharmaceutical industry or based on bad batches where the producer used poor farming or harvesting practices; much to the detriment of the consumer and the herbal medicine industry. and by the way, tylenol / panadol (acetaminophen / paracetamol) kills far more people every year.

at this point, they become very interested in some lint. across the room.

OR

me: no. likeĀ herbal medicine. you know, plants and shit.

n00b: oh yeah! so what would you recommend my mother / cousin / uncle use for her asthma / rash / gout / dandruff?

me: well, there are a million things… sigh… lemme email you

i usually never email them. not because i don’t love what i’m doing, but because they really don’t care that much about my answer and their mother / cousin / uncle will never get the message or if they do, they won’t listen to them anyway.

OR

me: no, homeopathy is something different and completely unrelated to what i’m learning. [lengthy description follows]

n00b: oh, that’s fascinating

me: excuse me, i need another drink now to get over having to enlighten your dumb ass for the past half hour.

so yeah, pretty much all of these scenarios make me want to stab someone. it’s very un-naturopath-like and not very PLURy. it makes me sad. and also angry. yes. so very angry.

and that, hopefully, makes you smile.

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2 February 2012

Cover your damn mouth!

i am SO SICK of people walking around town, sitting behind me on the bus, in front of me at the till, pushing their stupid babies around and COUGHING their bleedin’ heads off! all the damn time and all around me. ok, i’ll admit to being a touch germ phobic, but i’ve realized lately that my immune system is supercharged and as a consequence, i don’t often catch shit that’s going around. case in point, Husband has been down with the man flu at least twice in the past several months and despite smothering him with love and sharing close quarters with him, i’ve been spared the plague.

but back to my violent bitching…

ok, i do understand that it’s winter, in ireland and 90% of irish people seem to get “winter cough” which they consider to be completely normal and something that happens with the seasons (seasons? hmmm). i know this from working in a naturopathic clinic as part of my edumacation. i have also heard not one, but several people talking about having PLEURISY. what. the. ever-loving. fuck? is this the middle ages? are we living in damp, dank, drafty castles with no sanitation?! i suppose if you think “winter cough” is a completely normal thing and that going on antibiotics several times a year isn’t cause for alarm, i guess then you might not be too shocked to develop bizarre antiquated diseases that the rest of the civilized world no longer even thinks about.

i don’t know at what point in human history, people decided that it was ok to cough their heads off in public without making the slightest attempt to spare us from their lung plague. i mean COME ON people! from the sounds of things, what you have ISN’T GOOD and I DON’T WANT IT. from the sound of things, you probably don’t have long to live. by golly, why are you even OUTSIDE?! jaysus, go the fuck home and eat some chicken soup! or get thee to a hospital!

i’ve noticed this starting at a very young age with useless parents (probably had the kid by mistake because they’re too useless to use a condom, or they’re too high on meth or heroin… but i digress) walking around with their kids coughing incessantly and not turning around to bitchslap them for not covering their mouths. back in my day if i so much as cleared my throat without a hand in front of my face, i’d get a speedy backhand to the mouth from seemingly nowhere. i guess this is what happens when you’re not allowed to beat your kids. complete social anarchy. and the rampant spread of disease.

i see why the asians wear face masks everywhere.

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