Posts tagged ‘back pain’

16 March 2012

The Diet of Forbidden Everything

i just need to bitch for a moment about my struggles with trying to figure out what the hell to eat considering all my issues and all the conflicting information out there.

my body hates my thyroid, so i should clearly not eat the following foods (according to The Low Thyroid Diet web site):

  • all brassicas – cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, kale, and 90% of what’s available in irish grocery stores aside from potatoes
  • unfermented soy anything – i.e. tofu (so much for the #1 vegetarian easy protein option), edamame (oh how i love thee), bean curd, bean curd sheets, etc.
  • spinach
  • asparagus? really? dammit!
  • most nuts – peanuts, almonds, pine nuts, cashews…
  • most beans – especially garbanzos. bye bye hummus.
  • corn? hmmm…
  • excessive onions and garlic

that’s just the tip of the iceberg. and grains? carbs? sugar? – fuggeddaboutiiit. they’re an instant ticket to weight gain and apparently we’re supposed to avoid gluten cuz there’s some sort of link between gluten intolerance and autoimmune somethingorother which then causes your immune system to go haywire and attack your thyroid as well. ok, science, whatever you say.

so then i should eat a lowish carb diet and avoid gluteny foods, right? so i should clearly not eat the following foods:

  • pasta
  • rice
  • bread
  • barley
  • ‘taters
  • and all the other fancy grainy things they tell you to eat instead of wheat

and i should eat fibery carby things if i’m gonna have carbs. and i’m supposed to eat veg and proteins. BUT i’m supposed to avoid beans and most green leafy veg cuz they’re bad for my thyroid. and brassicas, 90% of what’s available. so like what the hell is left?

now to top it all off, i’ve got some inflammatory issues which fall into the my-fucking-back-is-a-nightmare category. SO, i should be avoiding foods that cause inflammation. primarily, this would be meats, dairy and nightshade family foods. this includes tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, eggplants / aubergines… you get the idea.

and it goes without saying that i shouldn’t have alcohol and caffeine either. coffee is expressly prohibited for 2 hours after taking my medication because get this – it binds to it and completely renders it ineffective. yay.

so.

carbs are bad.

beans are good, but can’t eat too many beans.

protein is good. but meat and dairy are pro-inflammatory.

veggies are awesome. nightshades, brassicas and random stuff like spinach are bad.

trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol is bad. coffee to try and wake up is bad. tea is bad. kill me now is bad.

after all that, the only things that haven’t been expressly forbidden leaves me with the following list:

  • fish – oh but no, they contain mercury and it’s unethical and we’re running out and blah blah blah
  • artichokes – i have a plant in my back yard!
  • peas
  • lemons – yes. YES!
  • olive oil
  • lettuce – the most heavily pesticided food item on the planet
  • eggs
  • sesame seeds
  • yogurt – it’s the nice dairy 🙂

as much as i love all that, you have to admit it’s pretty limited. my nutritionist even gave up and said eat what you like. i think i should have pizza and beer for dinner.

9 February 2012

Rejecting My Host, Part I

Dear Spine,

It seems that we are at a bit of an impasse. You clearly hate me and I can’t say that I’m all that fond of your behavio(u)r as of late, either. I don’t understand how we came to this stage in our relationship. I’ve bought you gifts. I’ve gotten you countless massages. I’ve had highly trained professionals try to restore your youthful elegance. I’ve had beautiful photos taken of you from many flattering angles… Yet still, you are not happy. At best, you let me have two, maybe three days of peace and you’re back again with your ever-present pain signals indicating your displeasure. I do not think that this is a healthy relationship and I’m not sure that even couple’s therapy could help us now. You’ve forced me into this. I have no other choice. I must silence you with painkillers. Please, try to relax and let it happen. That’s it… just reeelaaaax…

Maybe someday we can reconnect under different circumstances. Until then, I wish I could say the pleasure has been all mine.

Regretfully yours,

S.

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